Today, I wish to acknowledge how blessed I am. It’s prosaic, and trite. But when you’ve had the day I have had, thanks must be given, and high fives all around.
Today I got to remember, without pain, the love of an exceptional woman. I got to hear a bit about how she saw me, and how she felt about me. I got to have confirmed for me that I was not alone in my grief, and that she valued me in the real world, as well as when we worked together. I got to feel a deep tear in my heart begin to heal.
I got to hear these things from another intelligent and kind woman, who knows and loves that woman as well. A person for whom I am developing much respect, and who spends our time together watching out for me, and helping me to negotiate my life and recovery. I got the value and blessing of her commitment and insight, and had a few laughs in between.
Today my sister-in-law said some amazing, beautiful things to me, and humbled me with her kindness and love. I was able to reflect on how lucky I am to have my brother and her as my close family, how much I love them, and how miraculous it is that they include me in their son’s life, a child as close to my own as I will ever have, blood of my blood.
I got a message from a beloved old friend, promising to send me scans of letters we had exchanged in high school–a sure recipe for mortification, amusement, and a wistful look back at the salvation of adolescent friendship.
I received the blessing of formal acknowledgement of my equality under the law. All political quibbling aside, it feels great. It feels even more great to see and hear the celebrations of people around the country, some of whom are touched directly by it, some of whom are just good souls who wish happiness for all. To hear a straight woman weep with joy on the radio, simply because now I could be a full citizen. That touches me with its sweetness, and binds me closer to my human family.
I communicated with someone I hurt deeply, who cares enough in her own way to find a path to forgiving me. For whom I can still show my caring by listening, and trying to understand and empathize. I feel blessed that I am strong enough now to hold the boundaries I need to, in order to be there for her without losing myself.
And I exchanged texts, as I do almost every day, with my beautiful and glorious best friend, who sometimes flits about my campfire like Tinkerbell, sometimes expands into a radiant and comforting pillar of light, but who is always, always, always there.
A man walks down the street
It’s a street in a strange world
Maybe it’s the third world
Maybe it’s his first time around
Doesn’t speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sounds, sounds
of cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, Amen, Hallelujah